I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
