Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
