I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
