A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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