I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
