Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize