It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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