I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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