dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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