I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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