that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
