i think i have herpe
just one?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
