After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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