I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
