Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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