They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Randomize
