Welp...herpes.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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