I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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