Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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