good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
