Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
