I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize