I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize