I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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