is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
