Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
porn star boner night. come get it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
