I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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