I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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