please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Walk of Shame today included voting.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
