I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize