I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
