I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
