please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
