im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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