She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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