omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
