please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
whose parrot is this?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
