I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
