you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
