Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
