tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
