I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
