I puked a lego.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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