who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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