oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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