My friends, they love my intelligence
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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