Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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