are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
