I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he thought i was a dude.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He did a backflip because drugs
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