these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
