so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
