dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
