god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
