It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
