i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize