Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
