you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
