I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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