she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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