I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
