Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize