you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
