He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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