Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
