It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
