I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
